In which I find a new career

Or at least, a new way to zone out while also making the house look better. My next-door neighbor offered the use of his father-in-law's pressure washer, and I've been slaying concrete-dwelling algae by the trillions. I'm not sure I'd want to make an actual career of doing that, since you do have to wrestle that hose around, and get splattered with detritus, but the chance to improve the looks of the house via an 11-horsepower Honda motor and a water spray strong enough to chip concrete makes me giggle.

The cleaning was done in preparation for Operation Childfest 2009, also known as Jacob's first birthday party, which takes place this Saturday. Friends and family are of course on their way, Mama Dunn has baked a cake, Publix has been commissioned to make a cake (for their first birthday, they throw in a free "smash cake" for the young'un to mutilate), and then I've laid in a 50-pound bag of sugar, just to make sure we maximize our glycemic potential.

I had to run to the Food Frolic yesterday to get the makings for Mama Dunn's cake, but before I did, I went to the ATM to get some cash, and to make sure something nefarious hadn't happened to my account. Lately, I'd had my debit card declined at a couple of places, when I knew I had enough money to cover the charge. But, just to be sure some Romanian kid hadn't hacked into my bank's computer, Hoovered up my money, and then went on a World of Warcraft spending spree, I pulled up to the drive-in ATM and got some cash ("Think in multiples of $20," the screen advises me, as if visualizing twenties is what they expect; my ATM is a New-Age spiritualist), as well as a balance. Yep, plenty enough money in there to cover the charges I'd been turned down for. Something had gone wrong in Skynet, and my card had been flagged as being plastica non grata. Oh well, at least I hadn't been cleaned out. I just needed to either get the card unflagged, or to get a new card. On to the Food Frolic.

I only needed a couple of things for the cake, plus some white seedless grapes for me (freeze them; they're the perfect healthy summer refresher), so I was at the checkout in short order. I refuse to be one of those people who waits until the cashier gives the total before getting payment in order--checks should just be outlawed, unless you're paying a bill by mail--so while the lady in front was finishing up, I loaded my stash on the conveyor belt and pulled out my wallet. My wallet that no longer held my debit card.

Slight pause while I gulped my heart back down my throat.

Okay, everybody stay frosty. I can handle this. I'll be out of the checkout line shortly, and the ATM is pretty much in the Food Frolic's parking lot. I'll see if I left the card in the car, then make the short drive to the bank and see if maybe I left the card in the slot. It might still be there, hanging out, waiting for me to return it to its rightful home in my wallet.

Nope. Gone. I don't know if the machine eats your card after it's in the slot for X amount of time, or if somebody else came through and got it, but my little buddy that had been swiped in a zillion scanners was no more.

But for once, I was prepared for just such an emergency. I grabbed my BlackBerry, scrolled down to where I had the toll-free number from the back of the card stored in the memory, and I had the card canceled and a new one ordered before I was out of the parking lot. So the moral of the story is to go, right now, and enter the numbers for all your cards in your phone. Wait. I guess the real moral would be to not be a doofus with your card. Yeah, start with that. Don't be a doofus with your credit or debit cards, and THEN go put those toll-free numbers in your cell phone.

Assuming we all survive (I'm fully prepared for Jacob to get overwhelmed and start crying well before the party even gets going), I'll give a recap of the festivities Monday. Also, hummingbird pictures!