Thursday, May 14, 2009

I can do this, I can do this, I can do this

I can blog and work via the laptop, not my office PC, while Mama Dunn is incapable of picking up The Progeny because of her cataract surgery. I will not freak out when The Progeny is bawling because Mama Dunn has suddenly turned cold, in his estimation. Because I'm good enough...no, that's not it. Because I have to. And you do what you have to. Should make for some interesting blogging stories, if nothing else. Just this morning, I've tried to cook eggs while the dogs agitated to go outside and Jacob turned over a full water bowl. And while I don't like to brag, I'm confident in saying that my blood pressure can't be over, oh, 240/160.

That's probably an exaggeration. The blood pressure part, not the dog bowl and chaos stuff, which really happened. I actually handled it pretty well, all things considered. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't ready for Mama Dunn to get the all-clear to resume nanny duties.

Speaking of Mama Dunn, her post-cataract-removal checkup came out okay. She still has to wear the welding goggle sunglasses when she goes outside, but she can already see an improvement in her vision in that eye.

Preparations continue for Operation Baby Birthday Uno. I'm hoping that by the time it does roll around, the weather is somewhat less Seattle-like. I really don't want my yard to become a full-blown moor.

It's predicted to rain this weekend, which will mess up the Regions Charity Classic golf tournament here. I hope that doesn't happen, even though I loathe golf. It's too slow. Its ratio of talk to action is even greater than competitive domino stacking. I don't understand how a major-league baseball player can decide in four-tenths of a second whether or not to hit a ball coming at him at 90+ mph in front of thousands of screaming fans, but it takes Tiger Woods five minutes to line up a five-foot putt, in complete silence. To quote Tim Wilson again, if you can't get your nose broken doing it, it's not a sport, it's a game. Ben Roethlisberger can throw a 45-yard touchdown strike with a linebacker homing in on his ribcage at warp speed, but heaven forbid somebody sneeze during Phil Mickelson's backswing.

And I know that golf is supremely difficult. I know that what top golfers can do with a club is tantamount to sorcery. But there are lots of things that are very difficult to do. Free-diving, for example, is not only difficult, but deadly. Yet I have no interest in watching free-divers, no matter how hazardous their sport. Cliff diving is hard, and deadly, but aside from some old "Wide World of Sports" episodes, I don't want to devote my life to watching it. (And I have to insert Norm McDonald's quote about cliff diving. "There are two kinds of cliff divers. There's world champions, and stuff on a rock.")

In addition to my usual distaste for golf, the Regions tournament is part of the Champions Tour, which used to be the Seniors Tour. So it's not only a slow, boring sport, but a slow, boring sport played by old people. Now that's excitement! Am I right, people?

Still, lots of people love the Classic, so I don't want it to rain. Plus, there's Do Dah Day, and nobody wants wet puppies.

And if it does rain, again, I've got "Airport," "Airport 1975" and "Airport '77" stored on the DVR. Might was well watch some disaster movies while your weather is a disaster.

2 comments:

  1. In all honesty baseball players get to stand around scratching themselves almost as much as golfers do. But golf does make baseball look active, which is saying something. I love baseball. I think the reason it's so beloved is that it's a sport where the majority of the athletes spend the majority of the game sitting on the majority of their asses. That's something we can all aspire to be!

    ReplyDelete