Did you hear about....

the man who had a wild pig burst through his kitchen door, run into his fireplace, and start trying to climb up the chimney?
He had swine flue.

Did you hear about the gal who laid out in the sun until she looked like a well-fried piece of bacon?
She had swine hue.

Did you hear about the church that was built by a famous sausagemaker, who specified that some of the benches had to be in the shape of a pig?
It had swine pews.

Sorry, folks, that's about all I have today, so I'm both late and lame. But you buys your ticket and you takes your chances, and that's what came up today. I might try to atone for the slowness and slackness by posting tomorrow, but I can't say that for sure. Job requirements (the paying kind) are rudely intruding once more, so I could be otherwise detained. If that doesn't work out, I'll see you Monday.