In which Jim freaks out over deadlines and such

My brain is a dichotomy right now. Part of it is Kevin Bacon's Chip Diller character in "Animal House," saying, "Remain calm. All is well." The other part of it is the crowd that Diller is saying his own little serenity prayer to, which is having a mass screaming hissy.



I've got a deadline this afternoon, I'm trying to pick up another assignment that if I do manage to snag will have an extremely short deadline, I had a dentist's appointment this morning, and my office still resembles a flea market after an F5 tornado strike. And I'm working on just a few hours of sleep, since once again, my brain decided to show my body who's boss and refuse to shut down last night.

So pray please forgive me the late post, and the brevity, inanity, and randomness of this post. Worse, it's gonna be one of those lame Larry King-esque "three-dotter" ripoffs. Here's what I mean.

When it comes to screaming female rock lead singers, Linda Perry of 4 Non Blondes was the tops in my book...Why didn't Led Zeppelin ever get around to correcting the misspelled word in their name? I have the same question for the Beatles...I don't know who the fellow was who first picked, dried, steeped, and drank tea was, but he's a stand-up guy, if you ask me...Curly got all the acclaim, but nothing would have worked with Larry's understated eloquence...Why are there no successful British food franchises? Somebody smart could corner the spotted dick and toad-in-the-hole market...People say this Internet thing is here to stay, but it'll get my business when you can take it with you to the bathroom in the morning. Am I right, people?...Dexter's in Phoenix has the best fried spam. Ask to have it "knurled and throttled." Horace will know what you mean...I don't care what everybody else says, I'll never refer to a remote control as a "clicker." That cheapens the majesty of the thing...More tiki, less crime. I'm just saying...Nothing braces me like a mid-morning Listerine gargle...People say that NASCAR drivers only turn left, but I could say the same thing about baseball players. Think about it...All I need to know I learned from "Schoolhouse Rock" and that Timer character...Black coffee? Might as well call it "naked coffee," as far as I'm concerned. I have to have powdered creamer and two of those pink sweetener packets...I changed horses once in the middle of a stream. Don't see what the big deal is..."Mission: Impossible" was the last great television show to have a colon in the title.

Told you it was lame. Until tomorrow.